This week was a humbling and emotional week for me. I feel more emotional and humbled after being sick but this week the feels were deeper. I’m transitioning work teams, was reminiscing about my friend Lauren who passed away, and continued learning how to surf.
Changing teams is emotional for me. I put a lot into my work—all of myself for at least a full work day and usually after (by choice). Even though my teammates are usually still around I miss the experience of them working how we were. I grow attached to the ways that I was working. It’s hard. Besides my working with my last team, there’s always a learning curve with a new team, and I feel unsure of myself because there I know there are a lot of things that I don’t know.
Being sick for a week and a half, I wasn’t able to surf. I missed being in the water. I also want to improve. I still have a long ways to go to get to where I’d like to be surfing, so time off is hard.
I was able to get back in the water on Friday the 10th. I went to Venice and dropped in on a few smaller waves which are the main thing that I’m working on currently.
I want to be able to drop in on waves better. I’ve been afraid of this part of surfing b/c I often eat shit when I try and swallow a bunch of water as well. It’s not fun and swallowing a lot of water can lead to getting sick.
On Saturday the 11th, I went surfing El Porto with my friend Justin but decided because of crowds that I would try a different spot. I went to Sunset and found that there were hardly any surfing and a bunch of 1-2ft waves—great for dropping in.
Sunday, the 12th, I surfed Venice. There were 1-4ft waves. They were a bit bigger than Sunset the day before which allowed me to test my drop-in training. I dropped in on what I think may have been a 3ft wave—probably my biggest drop-in. I dropped in on several more waves and swallowed water several times. I found myself wanting to push myself which I had not felt surfing yet but I’m embracing it.
A feeling that I was thinking through this week a lot was that of feeling beta. When I write feeling beta I mean feeling like I’m placing second in a lot of people’s minds.
I was feeling beta because I was not feeling 100% and because there was language that was communicated to me this week that made me feel less than the person that was communicating to me.
I actually, within myself, like the feeling of being beta once in a while. It tells me that my ego is motivated to improve. I’m looking forward improving in some places that I would like to. Also, the things that made me feel this way communicate to me that last week and future weeks will be a time of silent growth.
It was a great week! I feel like I have a lot to look forward to over the next weeks. I have some things that I’m excited about learning and doing.